Jim's Blog

I believe in love

I believe in love that makes a parent go to endless struggle to see and maintain the smile upon his offspring’s face.

I believe in love that swallows bullets and hand grenades so that a comrade in arms, about his age, can live a life and love as he never will.

I believe in love that compels the soul of a lover to give up any other course but to see her face, and spend the minutes of his years showing her that there is none like her.  That she may hereafter step softly upon the future of his needless fro-ward heart with cause and shape.  The passion between them unmatched in couples before or after, eternally apex-ed in the bonds of their fire, transcending what could only be defined as the sticky limpet of bliss.

I believe in a love that compels a human being to devote his whole life, happiness, and behavior to a being that he has never seen, has no physical evidence of existence nor will he ever know, till his last breath is finished and hope is confirmed in joy or unknowingly differed.

jim mcd

laugh

deep inside the recesses of the cataclysmic mind,
lay a dormant habitant that scientists won't find.
a being simply focused on occasions that amaze,
and fully foliate the fallen festitude ablaze.

its the laughing box that sometimes misses turns in line,
when life gets full of frowns and yuck and steals away sublime.
but when it gets its chance to show all other feelings follow,
and pull a smile to the face that sadness cannot swallow!

Run

Run, get out, you can't stay here.
Forget the past, those promises were the vanity of a needy ego.
Swallow your throat, pretend it's your heart.
Your future is the better slice of your life, so make the break complete.

At least a billion people await that you don't know.
One million of those will make you smile.
The odds are in your favor.
Don't think your only hope lay in ruins.

Help is in the hills.
There are no hills here.
Take the best as memory, faded three by fives, notes on napkins.
Don't stop till you discover trust again.

Setting Out

Who will join me on this journey now take up your bag and cloak
I am sooner on the trail  now waiting not for bye's remote.

Don't mistake who you have joined upon this legendary route,
Not a backwoods boy companion of a temperamental suit.

Forward now we don't look back but set the compass on to there,
Taking chances every fork revealed will take us here but where.

Second guessing suits the strong possessor as a pilfered soul,
Smile and step in time again my close one, I won't let you go.

Stream of Days

Stream of Days

My heart rests in the mountains,
This climb will take me far.
It’s said I set my course,
On a bright too distant star.

But notice they sound weaker,
As I leave that atmosphere.
What a glorious adventure,
Leaving winds of sadness peer.

So I’ll reach out for the sunlight,
Feel it reaching out to me.
Catching glimpses of the life past,
Where my station used to be.

Now to seize the day before me,
While I let my voice ablaze.
In the wonder of this moment,
On a journey’s stream of days.

Her Anger

"Insufferable," she proclaimed, storming forward towards anywhere.  Anywhere but here, she thought.  The rush of heat that had overwhelmed her head and the back of her neck now throttled down her arms and she clinched her fists.  She wanted to hit the walls as she walked, sometimes she hated being a woman, especially now, when she wanted to act out violently so someone could visibly tell how she really felt.  Through the rage she saw flashes of how the night would go, instead of seeking revenge she would be alone and crying, she hated this as well.

Fumbling for the keys to her car, she couldn't help think what she had thought a million times before.  That people only want from her, and how she was always willing to give part of her, hoping that someday someone would take the gift of her and cherish it, and give it back to her.  In her rage she affirmed that this was impossible.  The feelings of rage started to give way to its partner, hopelessness.  Melancholy, her most trusted friend, made an entrance, knowing that it would be a long night .

Though she knew it was an exercise in futility, she turned on the radio, hoping to find a song to instantly clear her head.  A momentary pipe dream that the perfect song would inspire her to turn up the radio, turn down the windows, and raise her hands in groovious victory complete with smiles and laughs out loud.  But as she feared, song after song only brought her back to that which she for the moment hated.

The night would be long.

Silly Comfort Songs

'When I look to the East at the sunrise,  have to smile at the dawn of the day.  I will rest my head on the shoulder, of the One who chases all my fears away."

I am consistently amazed at how frequently I refer to a silly song i have written to provide comfort and support and even inspiration at different times in my life.  Maybe it is the simplicity or the hidden complexity of the words that encourages me to bring my soul close and sing.  Perhaps it is the rolling melodies that i often use in time with very simple harmonies.  Perhaps it is the curious characters or objects that i like to place in my songs and their interplay with one another.

I used to take myself to songs written by other people when i needed comfort.  Songs like "Praise the Lord" by the Imperials or "I Will Cast All My Cares Upon You", a kids song that i learned when i was subbing for the music teacher next door.  Songs like these lay in waiting, ready to help me, but i don't go there as often as I did.  Phrases like "when you're up against a struggle that shatters all your  dreams" and  "anytime I don't know what to do" pull me close and do perhaps what I wrote in the silly song at the beginning of this writing, rest my head on the shoulder.

Music therapy perhaps?  I think it is.

Jim as Cake

The inward silence of the soul at peace, leaving the war of the external for others to fight, lets me  break away for moments stolen.  I write bold and free, daring to act as though all will listen and most will heed.  The richness of life which floats to the top, knowing that goodness and mercy are nipping at my heels, decorates this cake formed in the likeness of life itself.

Though the hidden ingredients are complex on a micro level, the combinations and reactions that have made this cake which is me, are simple and efficient.  The form however, reads differently as one walks around the floor that holds the table that displays this cake which is me.  Different forms and patterns, different textures and densities meet one at every new turn to view. 

The icing sits beside.  There are quickly jotted instructions on a pad.  Handwriting is difficult to decipher but with time and perhaps prodding, what is written can be read.  One is told to use the icing as they will, to reproduce that which is pleasing or acceptable to them.

A glance back at the cake which is me reveals the efforts of others to ice me into what is their appropriate.  The masses seem to need me to be sweet and succinct and chos e the smoothest uniform and common sides of me to work their work.  Others choose other sides and take a more creative approach, blending colors spectacular, but pleasant.

A walk around the table, next to part of me that have not been iced yet, reveals areas where very few have wanted to see.  The patterns they leave are unique and personal.  They have edge but flow and appear to be very introspective but deliberate.

Morning Hope

The sun crawls high early
Dissipating cold
As children discovered
In forbidden toys
High expectations
Await this day
Perhaps this one
Was made for me
I know you doubt it
I feel your scowl
You hide it well
But I can tell

Emotions and Chemistry

Welcome to my world.  I will admit that emotions play a large part in who I am and consequently what I do.  I am no more or less emotional than anyone else.  To say that someone is an emotional person seems a bit silly since we all have emotions.  I suppose some may display them more than others, but we all have them nonetheless.

I think gauging the quality of life by emotions is fairly ridiculous, as there are many factors that cause emotions besides just how well things are going.  For example, chemicals in the body, which may change or adjust for many different reasons play a huge role.

I remember when I was tired of being overweight a few years ago and decided to start cutting starches from my diet.  I fell into the groove of eating this way fairly easily, laying off the obvious foods like rice, breads, corn etc, and eating more proteins and fats.  I found I could eat at almost any restaurant and stick with it, so it worked well for me and I lost weight. 

I noticed that as I lost weight, my blood pressure improved and something surprising happened, my mood changed.  I would say the overall condition of my mood improved many fold but my circumstances had not.

So what does this mean?  Life moves forward, and we must meet it with who we are.  Why spend life unhappy?  Do something about it.  Do something. Don't waste another moment doing things that don't make you happy.